The Chasm.

My uncle once told me that there’s an exact moment where you can see past a person’s outward persona and see who they truly are. Most of the time we don’t notice when it happens, most of us aren’t that observant. However, if we truly pay attention, we’ll see it: someone’s essence, their core — their face completely transforming before our eyes to reveal what’s truly inside. “The universe is kind that way” he said, “it opens someone up for a fraction of a second and lets us see through. All we have to do is pay attention.”He coined this moment The Chasm.

I have to admit this conversation made me feel inadequate – how come I’ve never seen the chasm? Sure, my uncle reads and studies tons of metaphysical material and believes the universe is in constant communication with us, he’s bound to have some off the wall theories right? Nevertheless, the chasm got my interest, so much so that ever since I’ve tried to spot this moment of enlightenment to no avail…

 Then it happened. In the midst of conversation, as I looked at the person speaking, their face started shifting, changing. Who I perceived them to be stepped aside and I saw through them; there was their core. And just as quickly as it opened the chasm quickly closed, letting the person I knew come back into focus. It was mind blowing, that second, tiny little second.

I shot my uncle an email with all the chasm details. In his reply he asked, “Was the person who you perceived them to be?” “No actually. I expected the core to be the person I know, it was disappointing that wasn’t the case. Is that the case for most of us?” I asked. “Not at all” he said, “one of the most beautiful things I’ve seen is the core matching the perception. That’s what we should all be, truly ourselves, inside and out, at all times. Remember that Nina and ask yourself this – if someone were to see your chasm, would they see what they expect to see?”

Think about that friends, it’s a neat little exercise. You never know when someone will be able to see through you.

Best Week Ever.

It’s been a little over a week since I got back from the Sundance Film Festival (Yup, that’s me in picture 11) – it was the experience of a lifetime. An avid lover of art and film, Sundance was a little slice of heaven for me. The energy of the festival was incredible, the people? Oh the people! Not only are the Volunteers some of the most interesting/fascinating people I’ve met in a while but you’re constantly surrounded by Celebrities. Actors. Directors. Writers. Production Artists. Photographers. Ridiculously talented people who do and live what they love. Being there was inspiring; I came back feeling like I need to create and recreate. It was just what I needed.

Although art and music play a huge part of the festival, Sundance is all about films. One of the perks of being a Volunteer is getting vouchers to the screenings, a perk I used to the fullest. Curious about what I watched? Check it out…

Waste Land

I’ve been fascinated with Vik Muniz for a while now, so when I heard a documentary followed his work I was immediately intrigued. This was one of the films selected for the Volunteer Screenings at Sundance, and it was a delight. In Waste Land we follow Vik as he visits his home town of Sao Paolo to work with Pickers (searchers of recyclable materials) of Jardim Gramacho (the world’s largest landfill), in the hopes of documenting their lives through art. The result of his work with the people of Gramacho is life-changing; the art is even better. One of the best documentaries I’ve ever seen.

Frozen

Another one of the films selected for the Volunteer Screenings, I had high hopes for Frozen. We join three friends on a ski trip that goes terribly wrong as they get stranded for a week in the resort, on the chairlift, thousands of feet above ground. The description made it sound like a psychological thriller, the reality was drastically different: Frozen made me want to throw up. The film was extremely gruesome, grotesque and right out nauseating, so much so that my friend sitting next to me sat through it with her eyes closed. No thanks!

happythankyoumoreplease

How I Met Your Mother & Arrested Development are some of the funniest shows on TV right? Josh Radnor (Ted in HIMYM) and Tony Hale (Buster Freaking Bluth!) are part of the amazing cast that makes happythankyoumoreplease one of the best movies I have seen in a while. It’s easy to identify to Sam, a struggling writer in his late 20s, and the life he leads: one of love, friendship, and self-discovery.  happythankyoumoreplease was my favorite film at Sundance, I loved it. Apparently so did the rest of the audience; it won the audience award for the U.S. Dramatic category. Here’s to hoping it gets picked up and released everywhere!

Howl

The Beat Generation was known for its expression of emotion, sometimes to the point of obscenity. Howl gives us a snap shot of one of the Beat Generation’s greats, Allen Ginsberg, and his controversial poem. James Franco plays Ginsberg flawlessly transforming before your very eyes into an eccentric, proud homosexual writer who just wants to be heard. The cinematography, although unexpected, is perhaps the most captivating asset of the film: crisp color scenery, black and white flashbacks and animated interpretations of Howl provide a feast for the eyes. Although the film wasn’t wait I expected I really enjoyed its quirkiness.

Jack Goes Boating

Philip Seymour Hoffman’s directorial debut, Jack Goes Boating created a lot of buzz at Sundance – everyone wanted to see what this great actor could bring to the screen. The plot centers around Jack’s (played by Hoffman) life and his attempts at conquering his fears in love and friendship. The acting was good however, the storyline was weak. I kept waiting for the climax and it never came. Monotone much?

Hesher

Three words: Joseph Gordon-Levitt. He blew everyone away at the festival with his portrayal of Hesher, an angry and rude teen who injects himself in a troubled family’s life. Through wrecking their lives Hesher forces the family to finally deal with issues they’ve been trying to avoid and start loving each other. Rock and roll, crude dialogue and graphic metaphors make this film dark  and sad yet hilarious. I’m a fan.

I’m Here

Unconditional love can sometimes be damaging, especially when you’re a robot. This is the premise of Spike Jonze’s short film I’m Here. Heartfelt and charming, you can’t help but love this short…then its underlying message hits you in the face: if you’re not careful, you can lose yourself to love to the point of extinction. Also one of my favorites, I’m Here kept me thinking after I watched it, there’s something about it that really hits a chord. Word, Spike. Word.

The Killer Inside Me

I’m a Casey Affleck fan and was excited to see him in a lead role as a disturbed murderer, that is until I saw The Killer Inside Me. The plot is gruesome and bloody, very hard to watch at times. Through unnecessary explicit sex scenes, punches to the face that lead to disfiguration (among other things), this almost three-hour flick attempts to tell the story of a small-town cop gone psycho. Casey did well but the story was just too long and not interesting enough to keep your attention.

Blue Valentine

A real look at relationships, Blue Valentine is the story of a couple struggling with their marriage. The acting and dialogue in this movie is superb – Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams killed it! The little girl who plays their child is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. It was funny, touching, intense, really well made. It is not a feel good movie by any means; you walk out of the theatre feeling heavy and a bit sad; your emotions are definitely stirred. Gosling can wreck me any day.  

Douchebag

Greatest movie title ever! I’ll be honest, I went to watch this movie solely for the title – it lived up to it. Two estranged brothers are reunited by one of their fiancées as she tries to mend family ties. Their reunion is awkward and forced, so is the road trip they embark on to find the younger brother’s fifth grade girlfriend. Throughout the course of their trip the big brother shines in douchebagchery in a dry, almost British way. I enjoyed the humor, the dynamics between the characters and the plot; it was an enjoyable film.

The Extra Man

Anything with Kevin Klein is worth watching, the man is an entertainer to the core (well, except for Dave, that movie was dumb). The Extra Man tells the story of a young man obsessed with Fitzgerald who moves to New York City with hopes of being a writer. He finds a sublease owned by Klein’s character, an eccentric escort who makes a living entertaining older women of society. Soon the two men develop a friendship, Klein takes Dano (the young writer) under his wing and teaches him the ropes, Katie Holmes contributes absolutely nothing to the movie (she came across as having the personality of a card box in the Q&A) and there you have it: The Extra Man. The film itself was just okay, nothing grand, but Klein is pretty hysterical.

11 Films in 5 days — I squeezed in as many as I could. I will definitely go back next year and I can’t wait! Best Week Ever.

Validated.

I walked into the room bustling with activity and spotted you across the way. “It’s him,” I told a friend as I felt my cheeks turn crimson. We walked your way, started conversation with one of your friends. My eyes caught yours glancing my way a few times; there you are butterflies.

In the middle of conversation you jumped in, addressed me, flashed a smile that melts a million hearts. I noticed the way dimples changed your face, turned you into a little boy, alive and carefree; I’ve always been a sucker for dimples. I tried my best to act cool, kept asking questions, you graciously answered them. Somehow you discovered I draw and in a fraction of a second you were sitting me down, pad and paper, asking me to sketch as you recorded my every move; you made me so nervous.

Nonetheless, I drew the first thing that came to mind, it wasn’t great but it worked. We kept chatting, made my friend play the piano, talked about the project you’ve poured yourself into for the past years. I enjoyed hearing you discuss your passions, the influx of your voice, the intensity of your stare…

When I fantasize about someone, my imagination tends to be better than the reality. This wasn’t the case with you though – you were better than I ever expected. You’re sarcastic, witty, outspoken, energetic, passionate, humble and down to earth; the kind of man I want to have around. My crush was validated.

This is the story of the day I met Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Diary of a Novice Runner.

 As many of you know, I’m currently training for the Disney Princess Half Marathon, my very first. I say currently, but I’ll fess up: I slacked the last week – can you blame me? I was at the Sundance Film Festival, surrounded by beautiful mountains, fresh snow and a thousand celebrities (more on this later)…I think that’s a valid excuse. Now I’m back, and with only five and a half weeks to go, training’s back in high gear.

When I first started training a month ago, I couldn’t run a mile without stopping. Now, I’m running four miles without stopping, and am up to seven consecutive miles. Yes, I am dying by the time I’m done with seven, but I’m doing it right? I’m not doing the half with a goal time in mind; I just want to cross the finish line. I’ve taken a lot of time to research how to get through this without getting injured (my biggest fear, I’m by no means a runner), doing what I can to make it through. Here’s what I’ve learned so far:

• Cross training is key to running more miles. I’ve taken up Zumba (Latin hips say what?!) and I’m really enjoying it, lots of fun.

• Stretching before and after a run is essential, otherwise you will hate life. I’ve had muscles hurt I didn’t know existed, no joke.

• What you eat before and after running is so important. Right before a long run you need fuel, something with carbs for you to burn. Right after a run you need to eat within the hour or you’ll feel nauseous. They say dairy is best because it helps your muscles rebuild.

• About 40 to 50 minutes into the run you should have some electrolytes; most people go with GU, which I find absolutely disgusting. I’m currently on the hunt for something other than GU to have, so if you have recs, shoot them over my way.

• Water, water, water. Drink it, bring it and make it your lover.

• Running in high altitudes is a bitch. I tried running while in Utah and almost passed out after a mile; I don’t know how people in that climate train. Seriously.

• Cold weather makes your joints hurt much more than normal. This past week my knees have been acting up, largely due to the 11 degrees that greeted them every day while in Park City.

• Talking while running makes you twice as tired, as a result I’ve taken a liking to running alone. I enjoy the company on the shorter runs (three times a week), because talking is manageable for short periods of time. On Saturdays though, when I do my long runs, I have to be alone – I need every ounce of energy I can conserve.

• Having a support system rocks. Four of my friends are running the half and talking through training with them has been so helpful! We talk things out, give tips and hold each other accountable; training would be so much harder without them.

In just a month of training I’ve noticed very positive changes: I feel better, am getting faster, have even lost a few pounds in the process. Part of me is excited to do this; part of me is absolutely terrified. I’m going to attempt to run 8 miles this weekend, the longest to date, and I’m kind of freaking out. I know a lot of running (and any physical activity really) is mind over matter — I have to psyche myself out to push harder. Run further. Last longer.

There’s something very rewarding about pushing yourself to the limit. Here’s to kicking my own ass.

Anonymity.

Have lots to say, can’t post any of it. Oh Anonymity, I wish I had you sometimes. Instead I will ponder these thoughts, swallow these truths, process these course of events.

And keep my mouth shut.

I’m out for the next week, traveling, hopefully meeting interesting people, seeing ridiculous films. I welcome the escape.

Mami Dearest.

My mom, the most important person in my life, turns 51 today. This time last year we were in Panama celebrating the big 5-0. This year we’re fortunate enough to be together again to celebrate my mami, perhaps the strongest, kindest and self-less person I know.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about how lucky I am to have such a woman for a mother. No matter the circumstance, I know everything will be okay with my mom by my side. I’m a mommy’s girl and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

Mami, te quiero muchísimo; eres la persona mas importante en mi vida. Gracias por siempre ser tan especial, calidad y amorosa — tu mejoras mi vida solo con estar en ella. Feliz cumpleaños mami. Que cumplas muchos mas!

You’re Fucking Awesome With or Without Approval.

Pep Talk: It is not your responsibility to make people like you and you have no control over whether or not people approve of you. Your job is to be great, not to make people recognize how great you are. You’re charming and lovely so, if someone isn’t all about you, I gotta figure it’s their problem.

Today remind yourself: I’m fucking awesome with or without approval.

Via Daily Pep Talk

Tick Tock.

“People who love only once in their lives are… shallow people. What they call their loyalty, and their fidelity, I call either the lethargy of custom or their lack of imagination.”

– Oscar Wilde

A friend recently remarried after swearing off ever loving another again. It was good to see her happy, in love, hopeful — it made me think of this Oscar Wilde quote. Just because we loved once and it didn’t work out, doesn’t mean we won’t love again, or that love isn’t for us. The optimist in me refuses to believe there’s just one soul mate for everyone; that thought is depressing to me. I believe there are multiple soul mates for all of us out there, coming and going from our lives as time runs. To me, it’s all about the timing: there are many loves, not many right times.

And so my friend has found another love, and this is her time. One day it’ll be yours. Someday it will be mine. And so the love chain goes, reaching us all, even when we’re closed in the thickest and tallest walls humanity has ever seen. Love can’t be stopped when it wants to reach you. Love can’t be found if its not its time.

Tick, tock. Tick, tock.

Record.

Life’s a broken record that plays itself over every now and again.

Recently, in a series of familiar motions I realized: I’ve done this song and dance before. Seen this show; Met this person; Had this conversation; Felt these emotions. How did I end up here all over again?

Maybe our lives consist of records, on a celestial cue, playing their songs again and again. Sometimes we hear many records before a song is repeated. Other times we just heard a song and what do you know? It’s playing again! Fortunately or unfortunately (I find this unfortunate), to our joy or dismay, life doesn’t ask our opinion on its song selection – it is the DJ, we’re simply the dancers.

I’m fresh out of re-hearing my least favorite song. A friend is currently repeating a dance she’d done a few months back. Another friend is hearing the same tune she heard this time last year. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

You know what? I don’t want to repeat songs; I want to throw out old records! Discover new artists. Find a favorite melody (perhaps the only exception to repeating in my book). Life may be spinning this joint but I’m going to keep requesting what I want to hear until it caves.

No more broken records.

Dos-0-0-Diez.

Wore yellow undies for luck. I feel lucky.

Kissed a boy first at midnight.Two year curse broken?

Did two laps around the block, suitcases in tow, for the two big trips I plan to take this year. The islands of Greece and another one, not sure where yet.

Was at the beach for the first sunrise of the year, only on two hours of sleep. Rainy, foggy, serene.

Saw the first sunset of 2010, on the other coast, while zipping red wine. Cold, beautiful, breathtaking.

Projected 500 Days of Summer to our garage door, firepit going, smores and hot cocoa. Classy ladies, chilly night, great conversations.

Got the volunteer position at the Sundance Film Festival, booked travel, all set. Excited, ecstatic, pumped.

Grad school interview tonight with the Director of the program; I’ll know within the week if I’m accepted. Nervous, anxious, eek.

Half marathon training in full swing, I’m so not a runner. Inadequate, out of shape, help.

2010 you’re off to a good start. Lets be friends.